As we find more and more support for gay marriage in our evolving society, I’m noticing a trend in relationships that some may find uneasy. It’s normal and in fact socially encouraged to “play the field” as much as possible especially after the ending of a long term relationship. Sadly in this fast paced society, long term can be defined seen in some circles by as little as six months, but for most it encompasses a year or more. Being in a long term relationship has is definite advantages among them the ability to witness relationship dynamics from outside the hustle and bustle of single life.
Swingers of the past have evolved into open relationships that allow or sometimes encourage outside “play”. Sometimes this involves both parties and sometimes they agree to not share their experiences with one another, but remain faithful to each other. Animals have been known to do this in the wild, and it’s true that many people just want to experience new flavours while maintaining a sense of normalcy in our society. Statistics show that this trend is increasing and at the same there’s also furor with which this lifestyle is defended.
I myself, and my partner of ten years have a closed or what many would call, a traditional relationship. Introducing ourselves to new friends in the LGBT community we are constantly asked if we “play”. A smile and a no usually results in blank stares of confusion and the equally disgusted “why?”. We politely share our position while getting to know the individual, and most people are understanding. However, a small percentage get upset and compare us to “heteros”, as if behaving in a traditional fashion is somehow off putting or a negative. I don’t know what it is, but the fact we don’t have an open relationship can bring out the ugly in some people.
Almost every one has had their carefree single moments in life, some shorter than others, but almost always after a long relationship. It’s almost necessary if you’re going to move past the emotional gap left by a personal bond. This time however can’t last forever because eventually you will either be drawn into a cycle of momentary bliss swearing off love permanently, or you find that one person who can mend your emotional wounds; preferably the latter. Why is the search for that one special person such a focus of our lives? The answer is simple, humans aren’t meant to be alone. We have a drive to form long lasting pair bonds but why does it seem that many lack the capacity. It’s easy to be a ho, but every night you end up alone.
Those who champion open relationships cite that adultery doesn’t exist if you have the blessings of your partner or they’re included. However, when your partner develops stronger feelings for the invitee than you, or one of you chooses to abandon plans for a hook-up. Does the blame fall on the individual, or the fact we’ve introduced new variables into something that’s already fragile enough as it is? Human relationships are a delicate balance and both parties have to have the other’s best interest foremost above all else. The most successful couples are those that communicate with one another. If you feel you and your spouse can control your emotions, especially jealousy, and not get attached to tricks, more power to you, an open relationship is the way to go. Me, I have enough on my plate with one dance partner and every morning I’m glad I get to dance another song with only him.
One thought on “Revolving Relationships”