Today on my social networking outlet of choice, I noticed that a friend of mine had posted a link to an article entitled “New Years Resolutions Every Gay Should Live By” and my curiosity was piqued enough to entertain reading it. Most of the so called resolutions were quite trite and ridiculously (pardon the pun) “gay”. However, one of the resolutions struck a real chord with me and I took it quite personally. This resolution was to “Do cute stuff with your Boyfriend (or Pretend Boyfriend) and take pictures of it.” and on it’s surface was wholly innocent, the author took it to another level when they insisted people share this with Facebook and that we were doing a disservice to the rest of the gay community by not sharing. They thanked the one or two high profile gay family role models, Ricky Martin and Neil Patrick Harris for their images but almost castigated those of use who don’t share because they want to be part of the cuteness. Begrudgingly I felt the author almost felt like they were settling by enjoying the images of their heterosexual friends and their babies.
This weekend my close single friend went to Palm Springs for the holiday weekend with his two single friends. They came home with stories about parties and the infatuations of the moment full of excitement and zeal. My friend said that he had a good time but that he didn’t have the connection he was looking for and he was surprised that there was so many people there just out to have fun. I asked him if he felt that he would find the nuclear relationship that he could foster and grow into something stronger and he said “none of them are looking for that”. This is a reality that the gay community has to realize. They pine for a nuclear relationship(two people) that will make them whole but refuse to wholly commit themselves to the relationship then scream at the rest of us when they can’t get married. I use the term us because I don’t identify myself with the “gay scene” or “gay community”. I’m Mario, nothing more, this is who I am kinda guy.
I’m not saying that all gay relationships are shallow and have the lifespan of a rabbit in the wild, but the small percentage of mutually exclusive, long lasting, family rearing couples are not going to be seen in Palm Springs on a holiday weekend. The one time we do venture from home is to either “A” go out with you once in a while, or “B” possibly a pride event but hardly apart. That is not our world anymore and we live normal suburban lives that unless you knew us personally you would never know that we exist. The lives of all nighters and after hours don’t interest us because we have a family to take care of and those of us who borrow our children from relatives don’t want to be seen as irresponsible. I’m not saying that you are, but I choose who to share my nuclear family with and if you’re part of that scene, I’m going to choose not to share them with you. Your world can cause the sighted to go blind, and would so terrify the Hasidics; I know, I’ve seen it. Besides, wasn’t your own third resolution to “Stop Comparing Myself to Other People”?
