I often ponder what it would be like to have my very own children. I watch as my friends get pregnant and I have an absolutely beautiful pair of sobrinos(Spanish for nieces & nephews) that we borrow from time to time, but I still long for my own. Discussions regarding parenting styles and what works/doesn’t are frequent in our house and while we don’t have children of our own, our borrowed offspring are always returned with better manners/behaviour than we’re given.
My better half an I emphasize the use of “Please”, “Thank you”, “Yes”, “No”, and the combined use of them. I despise when children use “yeah”& “nah”, and I correct it until they no longer use those statements around me. Mumbling is for the mute my father used to say and when the children mumble, I repeat my father’s words. When my niece asked, “What’s mute?” I explained to her the concept and from that point on she knew that mumbling doesn’t clearly express her want or desire.
At 4 and 7, I feel the age of coddling is quickly waning and with parentals over coddling (IMHO), I don’t do it at all. Yes, I will express concern when they fall, but I will not carry you because you don’t want to walk. We dust ourselves off, we check for injuries, and if it’s not life threatening, I shout “OH shit I see your guts!!!” to over exaggerate the situation(my dad used to do it to me), the kids roll their eyes and we move on together. We needn’t linger on the injury, hold the child like a limp body, wailing like a banshee over the woe-is-me because what behaviour are we teaching? Over dramatics get you nowhere in life and they will get you nowhere with me.
An internet meme going around lately states, “Of course we’re disrespectful little brats. What do you think would happen when your took away our parents rights to beat us?” While the meme can be taken out of context and use the hyperbolic argument that parents beat their children, the truth is a good parent doesn’t need to hit, but sometimes… a good whopping is what the child needs. Not to draw blood, not to inflict injury, but to honestly punish for a heinous deed. I don’t hit my sobrinos as punishment, but Loooord I’ve been tempted and there has been a situation where a screaming child in the store needs removal and a good spanking, my nephew/niece are NO exception.
Usually I make them sit in a designated area(stimulant free i.e. no TV, ipod, nor DS) for a determined amount of time. Afterwards we talk about the situation and WHY they were put in the position in the first place. I always explain that actions have consequences and how their action led to this consequence. We discuss the behaviour it’s appropriateness or inappropriateness and end on a hug. Nothing is because “I said so” everything has an explanation… even if that explanation is, “I’m the adult, you’re the child, when you’re the adult, you get to make the rules with YOUR children.”
Maybe I’m wrong in my dealings with behaviour issues, but I’m raising the future and the future is not going to be comprised of whiny, over dramatic adults who bitch when they don’t get what they want. I’m teaching responsibility and consequences to these two little lives because they will pass on what I’ve in stowed (hopefully). They will NOT be an internet meme… not on my watch.
