The story of narcissus tells of a man so beautiful that he falls in love with his own reflection. I remember this story from when I was a boy and I took it to heart. I somehow understood the idea that I would be narcissus, fall in love with my own reflection and drown or die as a result. No I’m not gong to literally die, but my genetic lineage will not continue as nature could intend. Absolutely I can reproduce, but not with the one that I love.
When I started realizing that I was sexually aroused by men, I soon started to make the comparison. I liked all shapes of men, tall, short, round, beefy, skinny, it didn’t matter. The idea of the male form and the beauty that it held was what made me happy. I wanted to be with a man who loved me for me, understood me and whom we’d bond forever. In my time on the ‘battlefield’ I didn’t have a set type and enjoyed myself as most young people do. The things I saw, are a topic for another blog.
Moving on, soon after my first biology course in high school, I realized that my fantasy would never produce what I wanted or ever be on par with normal society. Biologically it is impossible for me two males of the same species to reproduce with one another. The cycle of humanity stops when this occurs because much like narcissus, my ‘image’ will always drown. I can pass on genetics with another whom I choose and produce offspring, but never with my chosen mate. Nature did not intend for me to have children and I sometimes feel that homosexuality is nature’s way of politely closing the door. Societies like the Greeks, Hindus, and Native Americans have understood it and coped with it in their own ways. Our society is only learning about their community, and believe me when I say, “there are things you’d rather not know”. Sorry, off topic! I ramble sometimes… geeesh.
Back to my lineage. My first cousin (also gay) recently proposed a ‘hair brained’ idea because she and her girlfriend want a child as well; we’ll talk later. I guess I could choose to adopt, but the whole process is mere substitution. Primates have done it for millions of years and I think I even saw a gorilla love a kitten once on tv. The truth is, this is a simple thought that I had long ago and have come to put it down in text. I have fallen in love with someone, no it’s not my own reflection, but I also understand that I can never have what all the other boys and girls have because in my humble opinion nature never gave me the right to have children with my love. I understand this… It hurts (and sometimes I feel this is what my mom felt when I told her), but I’ve found love, and it’s awesome.
