Welcome home — why the culture doesn’t have to define you

In the quest to become a fully functioning adult, one comes to several realizations. First you need to learn how to lift yourself up by your boot straps, and secondly, the fact that the culture you surround yourself with says a lot about who you are. Being the eldest male I learned the first lesson at a very young age, being Hispanic, the second lesson was imparted by my parents, who kept my nose clean and hands busy.

The second lesson aided me immensely in my journey as a gay male and luckily I realized it at a young enough age. The gay subculture is awash in pleasures, excitement and danger, but it was a taste I never developed. I chose to surround myself with heterosexuals and luckily a boyfriend who also shared my sentiments on the gay subculture. We still enjoyed going to West Hollywood on occasion and revel in the ability to publicly show our affection, but the life of hookups and after-hours were past us.

It’s been said that I’m merely emulating heterosexuality and such annoying restrictions don’t apply to ‘us’, but that’s not how pair bonds of any type work. Eventually, if allowed, outside forces (sometimes internal, but most external) will destabilise any bond. I read an article about how a young gay man is already disheartened with the gay community and has publicly stated he no longer wishes to be gay. The author pens:

I am too young to long for the good old days but this life makes you miss what it meant to be gay. It makes you long for the times when a guy would greet you and offer you a drink as opposed to his cock size and sexual stats. The middleman of courtesy has been eliminated and replaced with an immoral devil who chaperons your destruction daily. It just isn’t worth it anymore. And while I recognize my attractions to men, I choose to no longer associate myself with a life that lives outside of morality and goodness. The gay life is like the love of a bad boy whose attention and love you initially covet but eventually outgrow. It’s just not where I see myself anymore.

I say, welcome to the real world, the whole world. Gay is simply a part of you, and the longer it IS your world, the longer, you’ll never find true happiness because you’ve limited your world. You’re free and hopefully, assuredly, you WILL find your partner out here, I did.

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